So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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