i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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