shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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