I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
