I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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