Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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