Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
