I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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