If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
