She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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