Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't think brook has ever known best
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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