there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
