Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
