I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize