Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
