the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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