so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I need to calm my uterus...
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