Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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