I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
