so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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