Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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