i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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