In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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