We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
