i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize