he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
