Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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