Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
