Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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