It's like God shit irony all over that family
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
