party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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