wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
