just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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