I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
