i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
