I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
