Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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