I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
