the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
