those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
