how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
