Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
