WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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