Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
