I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
this will be a night to untag.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
