True but thats because hes a fetus.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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