i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
