I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize