k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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