I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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