..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Randomize
