Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
