that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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