My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
