i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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