It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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