We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
