We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am one with the molecules
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
