I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We were destined to go to rehab together
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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