My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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