Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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