She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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