It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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