I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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