I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
