Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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