i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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