In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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