Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
