just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
