You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
