I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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