we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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