just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
