Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
