I puked a lego.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
