His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize