I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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