someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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