He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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