Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
