I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
